Saturday Night in Kansas
The Kids are with The Wizard tonight doing… well, doing the things we used to do as a family. It hurts. And I’m a little lost by myself. I could have scheduled something with friends. But, the alone...
View ArticleAlone. And not alone.
“Since I’ve come into the program, all of my needs have been take care of,” I heard someone say at an AA meeting. “Maybe not in the way I wanted them to, but they were always taken care of.” This...
View ArticleStatus Hearings and Other Absurdities
Pink silk shirt I’ve had for years. Black and white dress pants I’ve had for an equal number of years. Simple floral scarf. Low-heeled black dress shoes. Gold hoop earrings that my mother-in-law gave...
View ArticleThe death of an era
“Hold out your hand.” “Why?” I sniffled with a fever and cough as I huddled under a blanket mountain. “Just hold out your hand.” I wiggled my hand out from under the covers. The Wizard placed a tiny,...
View ArticleQuiet Time with Myself
If I keep moving, the tears don’t catch up with me. If I stay busy, the chest ache doesn’t find me. If I do something, the weight of the world stays away from me. That is how I have functioned in these...
View ArticleCodependency Relapse
It’s fairly easy to identify an alcoholic relapse: pick up the alcohol, put bottle/glass to lips, tip liquid into mouth, swallow. To avoid a relapse, don’t pick up the drink (and go to meetings and...
View ArticleMy Side of the Street
I hear it a lot in 12-Step meetings: “Stay on your side of the street.” “Keep your side of the street clean.” “Clean up your own crap.” “Don’t pick up someone else’s sh*t.” This week I ran out into...
View ArticleHugging my emotions
I’m feeling a little emotionally roller coaster-y. I don’t know what it is. I’m up. I’m down. I’m excited. I’m weepy. This weekend is the graduation ceremony for my Master’s degree. It feels… I don’t...
View ArticleHuh?!? Part 2
Hey, God, please show me what to do. I’m really not sure what direction my life is supposed to go. I need help here. A little guidance, please. That was my prayer a few nights ago. I feel overwhelmed...
View ArticleStill Sober. Still Single. Mid-week.
I woke up with “ravens on the bedpost.” That’s what a friend calls the first-thing-in-the-morning feeling of dread and obsessive thinking. The ravens stared down at their prey, ready to peck at my...
View ArticleCelebration
On this day, twenty-one years ago, The Wizard and I stood in front of our friends and family vowing our love and fidelity to each other. I was hung over. The Wizard probably was, too. Twenty-one years...
View ArticleTwo years
Peaceful. That’s the only way to describe it. Peaceful. Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, Christmas afternoon were all peaceful. Not perfect. Not the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby...
View ArticleThe Perfect Storm
A low pressure system of self-pity, anger and fear moved in from the south. A vortex of winter blues dropped down from the north. A line of hormone fueled storms blew in from the west. A flood warning...
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